Sunday, August 25, 2013

Silent Affirmations

It was her silent affirmations that kept her from going completely insane.  Merely being in the same room with him was not enough anymore, talking to herself, answering herself.  No, it seemed there was something lacking, something not quite right.  And telling herself that things would eventually turn, that there would be some incredible change in the course of things that would make it all go back to the way it used to be?  Well, this was the most nonsensical thing of all, and only served to fuel her already overloaded imagination.
Her mind wanted to rest, to be set free.  As vulgar as it sounded, she needed him to go.  And how to tell him?  This, of course, was always the question.
Mrs. Mercer? 
The attending appears out of thin air, or perhaps from the recesses of her mind.  Summoning her now, it seems.  Mrs. Mercer gets up, follows the nice, young nurse, her hospital smock a blue the color of a clear northern sky.
It is November.  Outside, lawns are still green and flecked, here and there, with spots of brown, patterns of fallen leaves, reminders of a changing season; reminders that change is imminent - a cloud that has shifted shapes, a reminder she did not want.
Inside, white painted walls, sterile corridors filled with the bleeps and whirring of machines, framed prints of flowery landscapes and sandy beaches, places the inhabitants of the Hearthstone Manor Rest Haven will likely never see. 
            Mrs. Mercer is led through a set of double doors marked Employees Only and into another room contiguous with the faculty break room.  It is here where they gather and talk about their families, their troubles, sometimes their patients.  But probably not this last item.  Probably not the patients, what with constantly soiled bed pans and under-garments, crying through the night and begging to be set free of this plight, like old age or illness had happened upon them as a result of some evil-doing. 
            And one of these patients is a Mr. Frank Mercer.  Frank waits for his wife every day, inside of a room that he does not share.  She had requested a private room for him, the very most private of rooms, for they were still quite young when the accident occurred and, well, a private room was only appropriate.   
            Now, it seems, none of that matters, and she sits down in an over-sized leather chair opposite the wide, polished mahogany desk that is Dr. Bloom’s.  She has not been in this office before today, and wishes never to be here again.  It has an ominous feel to it, dark and desolate, a rainy day turning to an even rainier night. 
            Dr. Bloom extends an arm, offers her a chair, the attending retreats to a dark corner of the room.  Will she wait there for this meeting to be over?  Will she listen to every private word the two, Doctor and Patient’s Wife, share in this most intimate moment?  Mrs. Mercer hopes not, but then realizes it does not matter in the least.  She plans only on listening.  She can almost predict the words that will escape the good Doctor’s mouth. 
            Mrs. Mercer.
            She waits for him to speak, to continue, stares at the corners of his mouth, how they seem to turn ever so slightly up on one side and down on the other. 
            All right, then.  Mrs. Mercer, your husband.  I do not give him more than two weeks at most.  His health is deteriorating rapidly, and he still will not breathe on his own, of course.  It is my professional opinion that you call the family in to say final goodbyes.
            Mrs. Mercer?
            Mrs. Mercer?
            Dr. Bloom has come out from behind his desk, having been standing the whole conversation, unable to sit down, wringing his large hands inside and out of one another.  He sits now, opposite Mrs. Mercer in a matching leather chair, and takes her hand in his.  It is ice cold, though she does not feel him take it. 
            Mrs. Mercer?

            Perhaps, in our silences, we can imagine……..

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